Thanks be to God.

So, for all we have been through and for how many times we have prayed for God to help us.....We are finally pregnant - and we did it all on our own!!!! Miracles really can happen - if you are patient! It was in his plans all along and we are so very thankful for this new little life.

This new little life inside of me has brought tears of absolute happiness. God is letting me know that everything is going to be okay and that yes, I can do this again. I want to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy and not let what happened to Josie, make me afraid. But it's tough and I am struggling.

For today, we do not know how far along into this pregnancy I am. Tomorrow I will go for my first ultrasound (sigh), and we then will find out an approxiamate due date. I am excited, yet nervous.

The boys? They are not so sure. When we broke the news to them that mommy had a baby in her belly, the response we got was "no mommy, we don't want that because we don't want you to cry like you did for Josie." My heart sunk for how they were feeling. They know no different than that when mommy has a baby in her belly, that means she leaves for a few days, cries for months and we have to burry our baby in the "caveyard" as they call it, and never see them again. They don't want that as much as we don't. I tried to reassure them that this would most likely not be the case, but they are 7 & 6 and is a very hard thing for them to understand. We then left it and said no more. Until the very next day, Isaiah came home from school and says....

"Mommy, I have a question for you."

"Yes sweetie, shoot!"

"Is our new baby going to die and have to go to that place called heaven like my sister did?"

I pause for a moment and am in shock as to what he has asked me as I have no quick response and was trying to think of just the right thing to say, although you don't always know.

Isaiah then says "I am just asking you because I want to tell you that if she does, then I get to pick out that pretty white bed for her to sleep in and not that pretty pink bed that you picked out for my sister.....okay mom?"

All I could say was "Okay Isaiah" and then run to bathroom to cry my eyes out.


He remembered over a year ago when we were at the funeral home trying to choose a pretty casket for Josie, that he liked that white one and mommy chose the pink one and he did not like it. The minds of 6 year olds.

So, moving on with this pregnancy...I have been quite nauseous and VERY tired. But I will take it and look forward to hearing how far I really am into this pregnancy and maybe then realize there is an end in site....for real.

For now, I think I am going to hit the hay as I am getting kind of sleepy. I promise to post after tomorrow's big news! Stay tuned!

Hugs,
Kim